A journal that no one will find

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Jan 5

mindfang:

i think its cute how a humans normal reaction to a loud noise is to make a loud noise back

(Source: trashedkid)

Jan 5

Female-assigned intersex kids’ vaginal canal size is also assessed by doctors, to ensure that it’s long enough to fit a penis inside of it. Doctors might surgically construct or re-construct vaginas, which can result in a host of health problems and necessitate multiple, multiple surgeries. This is especially the case since most intersex kids have these surgeries very young, and when their bodies grow into their adult forms, more surgeries are necessary to keep their vagina size in proportion. Non-surgical methods are also used to increase or maintain vaginal length by regularly using medical dildos to stretch the vagina over months and years. (It’s kind of like braces for your vagina, but much, much worse.) Just like there are no standards for how long a clitoris “can” be before it’s classified as a penis, there aren’t absolute standards as to how long a vagina is for it to be of “normal” length.

I had a dilation procedure performed for almost every exam I had with intersex doctors from the time I was 8 until I was 16, so that they could check how long my vagina was as I grew. I absolutely hated these procedures. I mean, imagine a man as old as your father or your grandfather, who you don’t know, inserting a medical dildo into you each time you saw him, knowing that you can’t question the doctor’s orders and just accept that you have to undergo these uncomfortable procedures for your health. Imagine a decade or so later, realizing that these procedures did nothing to track your health, and had everything to do with grown men feeling good about the fact that you could fuck some dude someday like a “normal girl”. That all those traumatizing procedures weren’t actually medically relevant at all, and it actually was within my right to refuse those examinations.

I didn’t know any of that at the time.

I also had no idea that I wouldn’t want to ultimately have the kind of sex they assumed I’d be having, adding yet another layer of this-was-totally-unnecessary/messed-up to my history.

Other kids shouldn’t have to go through this. Other adults shouldn’t have revelations some day far into the future that what was happening to them WASN’T okay, and their traumatic feelings ARE valid, and the whole system of how intersex people are conceptualized and “treated” IS entirely fucked.

And it’s gotta change. We’ve gotta change it.

-

—-Claudia at Autostraddle

I just read this article and was reminded once again how invisible the intersex community often is… we need to signal boost this shit to let people know that this kind of “medical treatment” is NOT okay.

(via bossybussy)

Jan 4

I either eat too much or starve myself. Sleep for 14 hours or have insomniac nights. Fall in love very hard or hate passionately. I don’t know what grey is. I never did.

- (via octoberamethyst)

(Source: hazelhirao)

Jan 4
nocturnevulgaire:

sherleck:

OH MY GOD WHAT

Well. There goes the “maybe the actors had a problem with it” theory.  

nocturnevulgaire:

sherleck:

OH MY GOD WHAT

Well. There goes the “maybe the actors had a problem with it” theory.  

(Source: drjohnhwatson)

Jan 4

thefingerfuckingfemalefury:

ALL MY FEELS ABOUT THIS SONG <3

(Source: walkergirl95)

Jan 4

(Source: mrgolightly)

Jan 4

I’ve been away. ‘rough patch’ doesn’t even begin to describe it.

the best part is it’s not over- not that any one is reading this but what the hey, I need somewhere to let it out, seeing as I have no one.

Jan 1

69 followers

aayyyyy lmao

You know what’s bullshit?

being brought up as a child with the expectation and promises of having a dream job, getting married, doing well, having your life have some meaning,  as a guaranteed default as long as you ate your vegetables and did well at school.

It  is such bullshit because that is far from the norm and when you realize that this is the only life you’ve got and you can’t do what you wanted because you have something wrong you, something the world will judge you for even though you have never done anyone any wrong.

Or when you have to give up your dreams because you were born a certain way so you can never achieve it

or the fact that education (aka ‘intelligence’ is so highly prized that people regularly have breakdowns over exams and the like because where a C is an average it is treated like a failure and that only the ‘clever’ people deserve it, and even then those ‘clever’ mathematically scientifically capable people are pushed to the brink because there is always someone better when then were told as a kid that they were the best, not even going into the fact that even if you do get  the best grades in the world it doesn’t guarantee a good job, a good life or happiness.

There is no grantee of happiness in this world and it’s horrible because we are brought up with superhero’s and detectives and aliens and we can never hope to be anything like them because it’s all make believe, just like Santa clause and the equality of life.

No one ever prepared me for how bitterly unfair life was and I cannot even feel safe in my own skin because I was brought up to see the faults. it’s unacceptable and no one is doing anything about it. I have my mock exams in January and I am desperate not to do them, I’m loosing sleep over it. Why? Because I was told I was supposed to have genius-level intellect in some area’s of my brain. I as told that I was special and that I should be a really high performer in class. But I’m not. The only subject I’m good at I can never do good enough in and it’s bullshit because I am terrified of these exams because they are real and I am not doing a goddamn thing to prepare for them.

why?

Because i have never prepared for my exams my entire life. Why? Because then my low-marks can be blamed on lack of revision. I cannot bring myself to work so hard and then fail because it’ll finally prove I’m just  as useless as I thought I was and I cannot stand it. As far as I can see there isn’t any happiness or security that I will ever be able to get but I have to keep on living this miserable existence because what choice do I have? I can hardly let down all those who ‘care’ about me. I have no one to talk to about anything and I fucking hate it.

basedona10000caloriediet:

kinzilauren:

maarkhoppus:

caucasianandwhite:

maarkhoppus:

fall out boy, paramore and justin timberlake on the iTunes top 10 charts wow hello 2006 

i wasnt even alive in 2006

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why the fuck is a six year old on tumblr

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